The Struggles of an External Processor

My name is Victoria, and I am an external processor. You may laugh at that sentence, especially if you know me. I am a relatively shy and quiet individual, and it seems that I can think something through to completion, but alas, I can not. I am the girl who cannot even begin to write a paper for school until I have read the question OUT LOUD. I remember a specific instance last semester where I called my dad in tears because I didn't understand the question that my Old Testament professor was asking for an exegesis paper. In the midst of my blubbering, my dad said, "Victoria, what is the question? Can you read it out loud to me?" After I read the question, there was clarity. The skies opened and the heavens burst forth with understanding. All I had to do was read the question and hear myself say it and I was fine. I then proceeded to get an A on the paper.

Why is being an external processor so challenging? I feel that it may be the fact that I repeat myself 3+ times before I understand how I feel about something. Or, it could be the fact that if I don't talk it out, I can't really comprehend the intricacies at work. Maybe it is the fact that I am relatively shy and so people don't think that I need to say things to understand them. I know that for the purposes of processing my trip, it has been a real tribulation trying to think, "Well, what DID happen?". I am about 5 seconds away from having a coffee shop date with myself and being the crazy person at the window talking to myself for 5 hours (I am sure it would be a fascinating conversation).

I think however, that that is where the blessing of this blog comes in. I can write my thoughts, and those who are interested will read them, and I get to think things through to completion. So, thank you if you are reading this :). You are a blessing to me and I hope that in some way, my word vomit can be a blessing to you too.