One of my prayers for the summer was that God would open my eyes to what it means to be his child. I have been raised in the church, hearing that I was God's child, but I guess I didn't fully understand what that meant in regards to my faith. The only time I had spent with children was when I was a child myself. As glorious as those times are, you don't normally find yourself contemplating how you can apply childlikeness to your faith as you are making mud pies with the neighborhood kids.
This summer, I was surrounded by children. My team leaders had three (8, 4, and 2) and then there was a British couple that stayed in the basement apartment that had three as well (4, 2, and 8 months). I learned that I was good with kids and that I enjoyed being around them. Their wonderment and willingness to ask questions that confused them astounded me and made me think about what it meant to be a child.
Children often don't have the understandings of the world quite figured out. Things are new to them almost all the time and they are constantly working to figure out how things work. They are also willing to ask questions. The instance that most sticks out to me is when Benjamin asked me a question. I was carrying Benjamin to the couch because the floors were wet and he looks at me and said, "Victoria, are you a man?" I was a bit taken aback because I had never received this particular question before. I asked Ben why he thought I was maybe a man and he very confidently said, "Well, your so big and strong." I then preceded to explain to Ben that I was a girl and that girls can be big and strong too sometimes.
Even though I was surprised by his question, it caused me to think. This was one of those child-like moments that we are to emulate in our relationship with Christ. We are to ask Him the questions that confuse us and seek His counsel. We don't need to be afraid of making it seem as though we know nothing, God already knows that we are completely clueless. As Christians, we often shy away from the tougher questions of our faith. We say, "Well, that is just something that we will have to take on faith." But we are called to seek His Word and seek the answers to those questions. We, as children, are still trying to understand what it is that God has in store for us and who He is and who we are in light of Him. We need to not be afraid of asking the tougher questions of our faith, admitting to ourselves our ignorance in this area, and seeking God's answers to these questions through His Word.
Children are completely reliant upon their parents. Putting on shoes, getting dressed, eating, going to the bathroom, all of these things only happen if parents are there, ready and waiting to assist. A child isn't born with the innate sense of how to tie their shoes, they must learn, and their parents often have to teach them. We don't know everything about God, we must have patience with ourselves and rely on God to teach us. God will use others in our lives and also His Word. We also must rely on His provision and love for us. I know that I have consistently struggled with relying on God and had to face the truth that my abilities and strength are not adequate. Children know this already. They know that there are things that they can't do, and they rely on their parents/caretakers to help them do it.
A child's love is pure, joyful, and infectious. I remember one morning coming downstairs, not super excited that it was 8:00 am and kinda grumpy. Then, my team leaders' little daughter saw me, shouted my name "Towwie", and ran up to me with a smile on her face to tell me about her breakfast. Her joy at seeing me immediately brightened my morning and gave me some of the joy that she had. I then realized how God must feel when we come to Him with joy and love. When we share our joys with God, it makes Him happy because it lets Him into our lives as our Father. I am so often guilty of only coming to God when I am struggling with something, but God just wants to be a part of my every day life.
The love that I have for my God should be evident to others, like a child's love for their parents. There was no doubt in anyone's mind as to who the top two people were in the minds of the kids in the house. It was always their parents. The knew they were loved by their parents and that they loved their parents. They were sad when their parents would leave and ecstatic when they returned. My love for God should be just as evident and unbridled. People should be able to see my love for God through the way I live my life and seek Him. I need to find security in His love for me and reciprocate that love as well.
So many lessons can be learned from children, and Jesus knew that too (Matthew 19). Children are a reflection of who we are in God's view. We are His children and He loves us more than our earthly parents, because He is perfect. If we can rest in the love of our earthly parents, what keeps us from resting in the love of our Heavenly Father? We need to view ourselves as children in regards to God and we need to know that we are God's children.
Growing up in the church, I have consistently heard the term "faith like a child". I understand that this is a good idea, but I don't think it is so much that we need to have faith like children as it is we need to recognize that we are God's children. We don't have the answers, we need to ask our heavenly Father. We are incapable of taking care of ourselves, we need to rely on Him to provide for us. We need to love Him with joy and trust Him. We need to have the faith that He is good and that He wants to provide the good for us. We need to see Him as our heavenly Daddy and know that we are his beloved, cherished, precious, chosen children.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
A Practical Application
This summer I went to Norway, that has been established. I prayed at the beginning of the summer that God would use this experience to teach me that I am His child and that He is my Father. I also prayed that I would grow in my confidence as a woman of God. I prayed that He would be working in my heart this summer and using it for His glory.
When our summer was winding down, one of our team leaders shared a story of how monkeys are caught and sold in market. Basically, they take a coconut and put a hole in it. They then drop a rock into said hole. This holy coconut is then left somewhere for an unsuspecting primate to come across. When the monkey finds the coconut, they are intrigued by the sound the rock makes. They then reach into the hole to grab the rock, but when they make the fist with the rock inside, they cannot remove their hand. They are then found and captured by people who will then sell them as pets or such. When the story had been said, we were challenged to consider what the rock was that we were holding on to. What was preventing us from letting go of the rock and just really running after God? We were asked to consider this and to also consider leaving our rocks in the fjord.
At this point, I hadn't had any really life-shattering realizations while in Norway. The summer had been good and challenging, but I didn't feel like I had gotten out of the trip what God wanted me to get yet. The leaders on my trip continued to ask us what our rock may be and I thought about it, but then one day during a quiet time, I prayed that God would reveal my rock to me and show me what was keeping me from Him. I then did a quiet time in 1 John 4:7-21, which is all about God's love. Here is the basic gist of 1 John:
One of the many questions that we had been talking about through the summer was God's power, knowledge, and presence. If I believe in this fundamental truth of God, then God knew about me when he created the world. God was aware of what He was creating. He KNEW He was creating a world with Sin. He knew He was creating a world with Me. He knew He was creating a world with MY sin. He knew that He was creating a world in which I would inherit Adam's sin, but also that He was making a world where He would have to send His only Son to die so that my sin-debt would be paid. If I believe that God is all-powerful, then He could have changed all these things in His creation. He could have made a world where me and my sin were not a factor, but He didn't. He made THIS world, He made Me.
The lie I believed and my rock became shattered. There is no need for me to fear not being chosen, because I have already BEEN chosen. I have been chosen by a powerful and might God who loves me and gave himself for me. And he did for you too! We have all been chosen by a might God who loves all of us.
I found a rock, wrote the lie I had believed on it, and threw it in the fjord. It was glorious. It was a pretty large rock, so it made quite the resounding ker-plunck.
God used this truth in my life to address my prayers. My came out of the summer really starting to grasp what it meant to be His child and a woman of Faith. I'm not saying I have either of these things down, but God used the reality of his choosing me to show me his love for me and address lies that I had been believing to my core. But how was I to apply this epiphany? How would I remember to hold on to this truth that God had assured me of? I tried to think of things, but nothing really had the practical, measurable result that I wanted. Then one evening in Bergen, after our team meeting/processing time, I had an epiphany: a tattoo was the answer to my problems. I wanted to remember forever, the lesson that God had taught me. I am his child, chosen from the beginning of time. After some wonderful encouragement from beautiful teammates, and some prayer, I decided that it was OK to get a tattoo as an application and that it was what I wanted to do.
As I sit here, I have the word "chosen" on the inside of my left arm. It is written in my own hand and on my left so that every time I read my bible or write in my journal, I have that reminder that I have been chosen by God.
This is my application. It is to remind me that I have been chosen by God and don't need to worry about not being chosen. God has taken care of that already. I can't wait to use this as an opportunity to share my story with someone who asks about my tattoo and why I have that word, in that place, in that print. I have been chosen and that truth is now forever a part of me. It has been inscribed on me and has become a part of who I am. I am His.
When our summer was winding down, one of our team leaders shared a story of how monkeys are caught and sold in market. Basically, they take a coconut and put a hole in it. They then drop a rock into said hole. This holy coconut is then left somewhere for an unsuspecting primate to come across. When the monkey finds the coconut, they are intrigued by the sound the rock makes. They then reach into the hole to grab the rock, but when they make the fist with the rock inside, they cannot remove their hand. They are then found and captured by people who will then sell them as pets or such. When the story had been said, we were challenged to consider what the rock was that we were holding on to. What was preventing us from letting go of the rock and just really running after God? We were asked to consider this and to also consider leaving our rocks in the fjord.
At this point, I hadn't had any really life-shattering realizations while in Norway. The summer had been good and challenging, but I didn't feel like I had gotten out of the trip what God wanted me to get yet. The leaders on my trip continued to ask us what our rock may be and I thought about it, but then one day during a quiet time, I prayed that God would reveal my rock to me and show me what was keeping me from Him. I then did a quiet time in 1 John 4:7-21, which is all about God's love. Here is the basic gist of 1 John:
Abide, Obey, Love, Abide
- Abide in God - the way to abide in God is to Obey God - God calls us to love others, so to Obey, we must Love others - When we Love others and are being obedient to God, he Abides in us as we Abide in Him
God sent his Son because of His love for usDuring this quiet time God opened my eyes to see that my rock was a fear of never being chosen, never being "good enough", never being someone's first choice. I was afraid of always being an alternate, a second choice, barely adequate. I knew that this had been something that I struggled with, but I didn't know depths of my belief in this lie. It was a lie I believed to my very core. However, 1 John and our time in the Psalms and gospels were showing me that I had already been chosen.
One of the many questions that we had been talking about through the summer was God's power, knowledge, and presence. If I believe in this fundamental truth of God, then God knew about me when he created the world. God was aware of what He was creating. He KNEW He was creating a world with Sin. He knew He was creating a world with Me. He knew He was creating a world with MY sin. He knew that He was creating a world in which I would inherit Adam's sin, but also that He was making a world where He would have to send His only Son to die so that my sin-debt would be paid. If I believe that God is all-powerful, then He could have changed all these things in His creation. He could have made a world where me and my sin were not a factor, but He didn't. He made THIS world, He made Me.
The lie I believed and my rock became shattered. There is no need for me to fear not being chosen, because I have already BEEN chosen. I have been chosen by a powerful and might God who loves me and gave himself for me. And he did for you too! We have all been chosen by a might God who loves all of us.
I found a rock, wrote the lie I had believed on it, and threw it in the fjord. It was glorious. It was a pretty large rock, so it made quite the resounding ker-plunck.
God used this truth in my life to address my prayers. My came out of the summer really starting to grasp what it meant to be His child and a woman of Faith. I'm not saying I have either of these things down, but God used the reality of his choosing me to show me his love for me and address lies that I had been believing to my core. But how was I to apply this epiphany? How would I remember to hold on to this truth that God had assured me of? I tried to think of things, but nothing really had the practical, measurable result that I wanted. Then one evening in Bergen, after our team meeting/processing time, I had an epiphany: a tattoo was the answer to my problems. I wanted to remember forever, the lesson that God had taught me. I am his child, chosen from the beginning of time. After some wonderful encouragement from beautiful teammates, and some prayer, I decided that it was OK to get a tattoo as an application and that it was what I wanted to do.
As I sit here, I have the word "chosen" on the inside of my left arm. It is written in my own hand and on my left so that every time I read my bible or write in my journal, I have that reminder that I have been chosen by God.
This is my application. It is to remind me that I have been chosen by God and don't need to worry about not being chosen. God has taken care of that already. I can't wait to use this as an opportunity to share my story with someone who asks about my tattoo and why I have that word, in that place, in that print. I have been chosen and that truth is now forever a part of me. It has been inscribed on me and has become a part of who I am. I am His.
The Struggles of an External Processor
My name is Victoria, and I am an external processor. You may laugh at that sentence, especially if you know me. I am a relatively shy and quiet individual, and it seems that I can think something through to completion, but alas, I can not. I am the girl who cannot even begin to write a paper for school until I have read the question OUT LOUD. I remember a specific instance last semester where I called my dad in tears because I didn't understand the question that my Old Testament professor was asking for an exegesis paper. In the midst of my blubbering, my dad said, "Victoria, what is the question? Can you read it out loud to me?" After I read the question, there was clarity. The skies opened and the heavens burst forth with understanding. All I had to do was read the question and hear myself say it and I was fine. I then proceeded to get an A on the paper.
Why is being an external processor so challenging? I feel that it may be the fact that I repeat myself 3+ times before I understand how I feel about something. Or, it could be the fact that if I don't talk it out, I can't really comprehend the intricacies at work. Maybe it is the fact that I am relatively shy and so people don't think that I need to say things to understand them. I know that for the purposes of processing my trip, it has been a real tribulation trying to think, "Well, what DID happen?". I am about 5 seconds away from having a coffee shop date with myself and being the crazy person at the window talking to myself for 5 hours (I am sure it would be a fascinating conversation).
I think however, that that is where the blessing of this blog comes in. I can write my thoughts, and those who are interested will read them, and I get to think things through to completion. So, thank you if you are reading this :). You are a blessing to me and I hope that in some way, my word vomit can be a blessing to you too.
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