"Do not be Anxious": "Well that was easy" (said no one ever)

So, one of my biggest issues, particularly in relation to funding, is my anxiety. Anxiety and I go waaaaaay back. You're talking to a girl who has an anxiety attack when I have to learn the layout of a new library. AP tests in high school were an apocalyptic even worthy of the Book of Revelation. We're talking, fire, brimstone, seven-headed dragon, the whole shebang. Finals week is my own personal experience of purgatory, where I am sent to pay penitence for my academic sins (procrastination being chief among them). My brain always jumps to worst-case and damage control and how to fix the problems the MIGHT happen. Might.

Tonight in discussing my fundraising and my mission trip with my mother, I realized, I am leaving in 78 days. My funding needs to be done, fertig, terminado, fini, ferdig, in just over 2 months. I think my mom clicked in right away to what was going on and tried to reverse, but the damage was done. There was a deadline, it was real, and it was staring me in the face. The sane person would say: "You have two whole months and then some, you have plenty of time," (but who in the world has ever called me sane?). I started thinking of deadlines for school, funding, things to get done before I leave the country for 6 weeks, people to talk to, calls to make, letters to write, prayers to pray, work to be done. My list just keeps growing and growing and growing. When I say snowballing, it's an understatement, my life is snow-bouldering. Then I remember: I am not supposed to be anxious, Paul tells me to not be anxious. So what do I do? I get anxious about being anxious! I'm telling you guys, I'm a pro.

Then, after taking a shower and reflecting on life and becoming more and more anxious, something hits me... there is more to the "do not be anxious" command. The whole thing can be found in Philippians 4:6 :

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

After remembering this my mind (and heart) rejoiced and said "Praise the Jesus for the but!!!". I was so caught up in being anxious and trying not to be anxious, that I was forgetting that there is a beautiful conclusion to the call for us to not be anxious. We are to not be anxious BECAUSE God wants us to present our requests and make them known to Him. I serve a God who doesn't want me to be anxious because he wants me to rest in him and give my worries over to him. I am told to pray and petition God with my requests and not only that, but to remember to be thankful. I am supposed to ask God for the funds, all $4750, I'm supposed to ask him for academic success, I am supposed to ask him to help me meet all the deadlines, make the calls, write the letters, do the work, and I am supposed to be thankful for the gifts he gives me. And it doesn't even stop there. But wait, there's more. Philippians 4:7 reads:

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

No only does God want me to pray and ask Him for everything and for Him to fill my needs, he will give me peace when I do. He will use that peace to guard my heart and my mind, to protect me from myself.

So yes, I am not to be anxious, but there is a reason. It isn't some vague commandment that doesn't have an explanation. The reason is clear: that reason is because my God has got my back. Does this mean that I will never struggle with anxiety again? HAHAHA, Good one. I will. Probably for the rest of my life, because I am human, and I sin, and I fail, several times. However, this does mean that every time I catch myself falling into the desperate pit of dread, I have a rope. I can climb out, and I don't even have to climb out, cause my God will pull me up.