Good Gifts and God's Provision

Oh my goodness, what a week. Sorry it has been such a while after my last post... there have been quite a few lessons hurled at me over the past few days.

This season of fundraising has been an exceptionally challenging one. My funding for my trip has been slow moving and rather sloth-like. It took me three months to reach even 50% of my funding. I have been stressed, stretched, challenged, and overwhelmed all in the last few months, but God has done some great things.

Last week, I was utterly distraught. I needed $4500 in my funding account in order to go on my trip. I only had about $2000 in my account at the time. That was over $2000 that I needed God to provide for me in just about one week, if I was going to be fully funding. I started grappling with doubt and struggling with if this trip to Norway was really what God wanted for me in my life right now. I was doubting and not giving God a chance to reassure me. I was in the middle of a spiritual dry-spell, without getting time in the Word, or even consistently praying. All I saw was dollar signs and my deficiency.

Then last, Tuesday (I believe), I had a minor break-down. I was crushed by the overwhelming amount that I still needed. It was still about $2000, nothing much had changed. I was having an evening of desperation (and a few tears). Then, I decided that I needed to get some time in the Word. The Lord had been placing Matthew 7 on my heart for the last few weeks, I had just been ignoring the nudging of the Spirit. I opened my bible to Matthew 7, the passage on God being the Father who gives good gifts. I googled the passage, to see if there were any good cross references and I happened across a paper someone wrote on Matthew 7 and Luke 11 (the corresponding passage). Both spoke of God as a father who gives good gifts, but it went further than that. The metaphor used the images of a child asking for food and things that would sustain him and the father giving him these things. I was reminded of Psalm 84 and how God will withhold no good thing.

The paper I had found caused me to beg the question: What are good things and good gifts? How do we know that the things that we want are "good"?

The "good things" that these passages talk about aren't just money, food, happiness, or love, they are things that are essentially and inherently good. God is good. These "good things" come as a result of us seeking God's heart and God's desires for us. When we seek God's heart, we want the good things that we find: his love of his people, his desire for the nations to know him, his love for his Son, and his love for the church. These are the things that God wants to give us and have us partake in with him, all of the gifts that he bestows on use come as a direct result of us seeking and desiring these gifts.

After this time in the Word, I continued to process and journal a bit and I realized that if I was going to rely on God to work through my funding, I needed to give it up to him and provide him with the space to work. I started praying that God would give me $3500 by the end of the weekend and then provide the rest of the $4500 before I left. I needed to fast from my navcentral account in order to place my faith in God and not the numbers I was seeing. I also realized I had a responsibility to do my part, make calls, write more letters, get meetings with people, and update those that I knew were praying for me. I immediately started making and scheduling calls with my prayer team and I received so much encouragement and assurance from those women that I knew that I was/am exactly where God wanted me to be, funding. Whether I went to Norway or not, God had me in a season of Fundrasing and Preparation. I called people, e-mailed, and Facebooked, and people were so thankful that I reminded them that I still had a need for funding. I called my pastor and shared my need with him and he proposed the idea of praying for me in front of the church on Sunday and asking people to consider giving to my trip to Norway.

On Sunday, I left church with $430 in my pocket, and even more people taking donation cards so that they could contribute online. People came up to me and said they were so excited for me and that I was doing a really wonderful thing by working to further God's kingdom. I celebrated Fathers' Day with my family and then went home to check my account and call my team leaders about my funding. I checked my account and I did the math. With the number in my account plus the money I received that day in church and a few donations a knew were coming in, I would have $3353. God answered my prayer and met the need, and that was with only the donations that I KNEW about. There were other people who had donated/were going to donate that I didn't even know how much they were giving, so God provided more than I asked for. I think I even had someone offer to write a check for the difference of my trip if I didn't get fully funded (I'm a little muddled on this point because I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for the Lord's provision and pretty much in tears, but I am going to make sure to clarify this point in the next few days).

So here I am, a woman who has had so many prayers answered. I still have prayers to get fully funded, but I know that God has the power and the strength to meet my needs. I am so excited to see what God does in my life over the next 5 weeks, when I am actually in Norway. If you would like to donate to my trip, the site is www.navigators.org and you click the "Donor" tab and type my name (Victoria Morrow) and can give electronically. I can't wait to see what God does with the rest of my funding (I still need about $1100) and my trip. I can't wait to go and live the great commission in the small town of Skjolden, Norway.

Prayer Requests:

• safety (I am perhaps the most accident-prone individual on earth)
• My team - that we would live in unity and provide an example of Christian community, loving God, and each other well.
• The people that we will meet this summer: that God would be using us in the lives of those in Skjolden and use them in our lives as well. That we would be able to shine the light of Christ into the lives of those we meet this summer.

Strength Training

Well, it has been over a month since I posted anything and it has been quite a month. I spent 5 days going to clinics getting 5 different diagnoses, 5 days admitted in the hospital with viral meningitis, a lumbar puncture to test for said meningitis, 2 weeks on bed rest, missed 3 weeks of school (and finals), came home, did a concert for funding, went back to Tally for a week, took my finals, came back home, still have school work to get done, and (the final straw) sprained my ankle (again). It sure has been a doozie. Not to mention, the continued funding, spending time with the family, and all the other stuff that needs to be done before I leave (call the bank to make sure the don't freeze my account, continue funding, you get the picture). Life has been hectic.

Needless to say, all the goings on of my life have had me in a frenzy. Seriously, I feel as if the Flight of the Bumblebee should be playing in the background of my life. I also have been struggling to get time in the Word or even to pray the past few weeks. Mostly, it is because I have been too distracted to make time. I have been so busy and trying to rely on my own strength to make it that I wasn't letting God's strength help me. That is a no-no. I can't do it on my own. I know this, I just don't KNOW this very often. This refusal (because that is basically what it was) to rely on God instead of myself pretty much lead to a stress-induced melt down.

So, the story:

What triggered the stress was I realized that I need to basically fund-raise about $2000 in 20 days. Also, I have expenses to pay, but no source of income (I had to take the summer off because of my trip/meningitis). This all compounded into one ball of stress/anxiety and I wasn't letting it go. I was doing what I do. I was planning out how to make it work, but the problem was was that there was no way that I could make it work. I couldn't take care of everything, and there was a lot of stuff that was out of my control. There was nothing I could do to guarantee that everything was going to be ok. I was helpless, and that scared me.

After a difficult day, some processing, and some prayer, I realized the problem: I wasn't relying on God's strength, I was trying to do it myself. This is pretty laughable due to the fact that my strength is pretty feeble (especially after the meningitis mishap and bed rest). Also, I internalize stress and avoid it, so I wasn't processing ANYTHING (I'm an external processor). I was causing myself to fall into stress and anxiety because I wasn't a) sharing it with God, or b) letting the people in my life help me either.

Sometimes you fall and you can get back up, but other times when you fall, you have to let God help you get back up. Human strength does no good, God's strength is what really works. The problem is, you have to be willing and let His strength help you. I love reading verses about the Lord's strength and his helping. Philippians 4:13 is great (I can do all things through him who strengthens me), but I especially love Isaiah 41:10:

"fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

This one speaks directly to me. I am a fearful person, it says don't fear. I often get VERY dismayed, but God is my God, I don't need to worry. I will be strengthened, helped, and held in the righteous right hand of the Almighty God.

Even though I may need $2000, and I still have work for school, and no job, and other worries, it's ok. God has a plan, and He has the strength to see it through. I need to do my part by being faithful and trusting in Him and trying my best to follow His plan. I need to rely on His strength, and not my own, and I need to be willing to wait on Him. I had a friend who went to Japan for 7 weeks this summer, and she literally raised about $1000 in one day, on the day her funding was due. God can do amazing things, and He wants to do amazing things with me and my story. I just need to let Him.

So after this was all realized, processed, and the lesson learned, I then remembered about my blog. My resolve was to share my journey with those who I was asking to join with me in my ministry this summer. So now I am back to blogging about the lessons God has been teaching me. Strength seems to be a biggie. I know that Norway is where I am supposed to be, so I know that God will find a way to get me there. I just have to have the faith that He will.

A Broken Phone, A Need for Patience

There seems to be a theme occurring again and again in my life: patience. Patience with my roommates,  patience with my family, patience with my co-workers. In fact, as I write this, I have to be patient with myself because I scalded my hand at work and have quite the lobster claw that is quite sore. It's everywhere, and this week, I realized, I'm not a very patient person.

So, to backtrack a little. I was walking to work the other week and I dropped my phone on a concrete sidewalk. It didn't crack or anything, but the screen stopped functioning in the proper way. It is a touchscreen phone, so the screen is kinda everything. This made communication to ANYONE challenging to the nth degree. Not only could I not text, but I kept calling people that I didn't mean to (I think I called my friend's mom 3 times in a one hour period), it texted people absolutely nonsensical words and sentences (apparently my phone is a Jedi and Igaulan is a word), and I couldn't access any of my apps (sad, I know). This meant that anything that usually took 1 minute of my life now took minimum of 5. After throwing my phone on the carpet several times in frustration, I came to the sudden epiphany that I wasn't being patient with my phone.

My first thought was: my phone is an inanimate object, it didn't have feelings, so it didn't matter if I was patient with it or not. My phone was broken. I knew that, I just didn't seem to care about the problems of my phone. I just wanted it to work when I needed it to work. I then realized, if I wasn't being patient that was a direct result of my failure, then what would I be patient with? I am most certainly not the most patient roommate, or sister, or friend, or student, or daughter. 

What about this summer? I will be trying to share the love of Christ with people who live in a post-Modern culture. What good will I be if I am not being patient with them? How will I be an effective witness if I don't learn to be patient with myself and wait on the Lord and His timing? 1 Thessalonians 5: 14 says:

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

So that is that. I need to be more patient. I am called to be patient with the idle (oy vay), the fainthearted, and the week. I am supposed to encourage them, challenge them, admonish them, and help them. But most of all, I am to be patient with them all. It is definitely a journey (much like the rest of my life currently), but I am ready for it. I have been praying for God to work in my life before I even leave for Norway, and He has been faithful (as only He can be).

How I'm Going: a Story of God Pushing Me Out the Door.

I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!!! Why am I excited? Well, this summer I get to go to Skjolden, Norway on a mission trip for 5-6 weeks. God has been so awesome and amazing in the whole process of preparing for this trip and I just feel like I need to write it down and share my joy with the world :).

So, I didn't have any plans. My summer was looking quite drab and plain. I wanted to DO something, but I didn't know what... I could apply to be a leader at STP, I could work, I could do classes, I could work. Nothing was "jumping" out at me. I didn't know how I could use my summer, but I knew I wanted to USE it. Then I went to the Nav Missions short-term page.

I was just putzing around the page, looking at different trips, not being really intrigued by anything in particular. Then I saw a little gray dot on Norway. "Norway?" (I thought to myself). Hmmmmmm. I started thinking about it, but I didn't know. A mission trip? Did I want to spend my summer out of the country? Did I want to spend weeks raising the funds? And then I thought the Question: Did I want to give God the opportunity to use me in the lives of others and give him the time (and space) to work in my life in radical ways? Well, in the case that you might not know me personally, my immediate thought was "Wait, say what????".

I spent the next few hours in an internal battle. I didn't know if Norway was for me, I didn't know if I wanted to leave the country for that long, I didn't know if I could commit to this. Then, in talking with a dear friend, I realized: Was it fair of me to close this door on God and not give him the opportunity to work through me and in my life? I realized, I shouldn't close this door in God's face if He wanted to use it for me, it wasn't fair, to myself or Him. So, I spent the next 24 hours getting my application together. (Did I mention that all of this occurred 24 hrs. before application deadline? Well, it did). 24 hrs. later, I was sitting in my living room, thinking: "I just applied for a missions trip to Norway... What in heaven's name have I just done?"

I spent the next few days in a sort of daze. I have never been outside of the Continental U.S. (I don't really count the few days I've spent in Canada). I was pretty intimidated by what God would do through me and to me this summer. Not to mention, I am accident prone and going to a foreign country would definitely open some doors to new injuries. I didn't know exactly how my parents would feel. I prayed that if I was supposed to go to Norway, that everyone that I talked to about it would be excited for me. I prayed that I would get excited about going to Norway. I laid out my fleece like Gideon.

Over the next week, I just was swallowed by God's faithfulness. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, that I talked to about my trip was excited for me. My mom, my sisters, my grandma, my friends, my co-workers, everyone that I mentioned my trip to wanted to know more and was excited for me. My potential team leaders called me to introduce themselves and I got more and more excited. God was answering my prayer in ways that I hadn't expected.

Then, a week after applying, I got the e-mail. I was accepted to the trip. I screamed for joy in the car ride to Ignite. I called my mom, she was so excited. I called my sister, she was sooo happy for me. My dad was on the phone and he asked the dad question: "How much does it cost?". I was crushed. I felt that this was him not being excited for me. I thought my fleece was dripping wet on the soaked ground. I was suddenly so torn. I didn't know if this was indeed God's plan for me. Was I supposed to go to Norway. I spent the next evening torn and frustrated, listening to talks about going into the nations (the theme of our conference).

Then, my fleece was dry again. My dad called me the next day and said that if I was going to Norway, there were some things I needed to get and know and do. He was being supportive in his own way. He made sure I knew what the climate was like and he had done his own research into the region I would be in, where I would be staying, the climate, the recreational activities. He was being a dad and making sure that I knew what I was getting into. He approved of my trip and he was excited for me, in his own way. I told him that it meant the WORLD to me that he did that and he said, "If you believe that this is what the Lord is calling you to do this summer, then your mom and I will support you in the best way that we can." God had answered my prayer. Everyone was excited and supportive. My fleece was dry and the ground was wet around it.

And then it hit me in the face: I was going to Norway, that was where God wanted me, and He was going to change my life this summer.

That's where I'm at right now. I am going to Norway, I am fundraising, I am going with a pretty snazzy group of teammates. God has been answering prayers before and during this whole crazy process. I have to fundraise $4750, but God's got this one.

I am so excited. Not just that I'm going, but that I get to see how God is using my funding to work in  my faith. I will get to see God use me in the lives of my team and the others that I come into contact with. I will get to spend the summer in Norway, who gets to do that?

If you want to know more about my trip, I would love to talk to you. Call, text, e-mail, message, I would love to talk to you about it. I would love to tell you about how God is moving in my life. I can't wait to see where this crazy road takes me and I'd love to bring you along :).

"Do not be Anxious": "Well that was easy" (said no one ever)

So, one of my biggest issues, particularly in relation to funding, is my anxiety. Anxiety and I go waaaaaay back. You're talking to a girl who has an anxiety attack when I have to learn the layout of a new library. AP tests in high school were an apocalyptic even worthy of the Book of Revelation. We're talking, fire, brimstone, seven-headed dragon, the whole shebang. Finals week is my own personal experience of purgatory, where I am sent to pay penitence for my academic sins (procrastination being chief among them). My brain always jumps to worst-case and damage control and how to fix the problems the MIGHT happen. Might.

Tonight in discussing my fundraising and my mission trip with my mother, I realized, I am leaving in 78 days. My funding needs to be done, fertig, terminado, fini, ferdig, in just over 2 months. I think my mom clicked in right away to what was going on and tried to reverse, but the damage was done. There was a deadline, it was real, and it was staring me in the face. The sane person would say: "You have two whole months and then some, you have plenty of time," (but who in the world has ever called me sane?). I started thinking of deadlines for school, funding, things to get done before I leave the country for 6 weeks, people to talk to, calls to make, letters to write, prayers to pray, work to be done. My list just keeps growing and growing and growing. When I say snowballing, it's an understatement, my life is snow-bouldering. Then I remember: I am not supposed to be anxious, Paul tells me to not be anxious. So what do I do? I get anxious about being anxious! I'm telling you guys, I'm a pro.

Then, after taking a shower and reflecting on life and becoming more and more anxious, something hits me... there is more to the "do not be anxious" command. The whole thing can be found in Philippians 4:6 :

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

After remembering this my mind (and heart) rejoiced and said "Praise the Jesus for the but!!!". I was so caught up in being anxious and trying not to be anxious, that I was forgetting that there is a beautiful conclusion to the call for us to not be anxious. We are to not be anxious BECAUSE God wants us to present our requests and make them known to Him. I serve a God who doesn't want me to be anxious because he wants me to rest in him and give my worries over to him. I am told to pray and petition God with my requests and not only that, but to remember to be thankful. I am supposed to ask God for the funds, all $4750, I'm supposed to ask him for academic success, I am supposed to ask him to help me meet all the deadlines, make the calls, write the letters, do the work, and I am supposed to be thankful for the gifts he gives me. And it doesn't even stop there. But wait, there's more. Philippians 4:7 reads:

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

No only does God want me to pray and ask Him for everything and for Him to fill my needs, he will give me peace when I do. He will use that peace to guard my heart and my mind, to protect me from myself.

So yes, I am not to be anxious, but there is a reason. It isn't some vague commandment that doesn't have an explanation. The reason is clear: that reason is because my God has got my back. Does this mean that I will never struggle with anxiety again? HAHAHA, Good one. I will. Probably for the rest of my life, because I am human, and I sin, and I fail, several times. However, this does mean that every time I catch myself falling into the desperate pit of dread, I have a rope. I can climb out, and I don't even have to climb out, cause my God will pull me up.

The Beginnings of a Journey

So, here we go. This is an excursion into a medium that I haven't really had a desire to explore. But, God has silly ways of working in your heart and putting desires and convictions in there that you never thought would be a part of you at all. So here we go.

I don't pretend to be a wordsmith of any form. I can claim to be a decent writer, but I have never written for fun. I always just thought to leave the blogs of the world to the English majors and uber smart technology gurus. Well, that has obviously changed. So here is the story of how this blog has come about:

Some people are aware that I am indeed going on a mission trip to Skjolden, Norway this summer. When talking to a friend about preparing for my trip, she encouraged me to start writing down my thoughts, prayers, feelings, etc. To keep a journal of my life and what God is doing in it. Well, journaling in my past has either been the typical 7th grade sorrowful entries that are my own personal form of Lamentations, or my prayer journal... Journaling was an option, but not optimal. My thoughts then turned to the idea of blogging. I liked the idea of writing down my thoughts, but exposing those thoughts, fears, prayers to the world? Why would I want to expose myself to the world. Then, my thoughts turned to the fundraising journey that God has me on right now. And then conviction came upon me like a ton of bricks.

In my fundraising letters, I asked people to partner with me in my ministry to the people that I will be meeting this summer. I asked people to take money out of their pockets and help support me as I follow the Great Commission given to us in Matthew 28:19-20. I was willing to accept their partnership, and ask for it, but was I willing to meet them halfway and partner with them myself? In this area, I desperately fell short. When I went to orientation for my trip, we were encouraged to look at Paul and how he relied on the financial support of the Church to further the gospel of his time. Paul called it a partnership. Paul wrote letters to his partners, thanking God for them and praying for them. Paul shared life with them and shared his ministry with them. Philippians 1:3-6 says: 

³ I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, ⁴ always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, ⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. ⁶ And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion atthe day of Jesus Christ.

Paul's actual word usage there in the Greek comes closer to the point, meaning: fellowship, community, association, communion, JOINT PARTICIPATION. In my funding, I was expecting people to participate with me, but I was not thinking it was necessary to meet them halfway and participate with them. This is of course, wrong of me. (Leave it to Paul to smack you good on the head, just when you feel like you are doing a decent job)

So, thus my journey begins into the world of the blogger. Putting my thoughts, fears, anxieties, joys, praises, warts and all out into the cyber world we enjoy so much for all to see.